Sorry for denying you I wasn't trying to.
It was yet my adult like mind that wasn't kind to the love a parent has for a child. You gave me love with open arms unconditionally but unofficially I rejected what you tried to show me.
Not even sure I let you really get to know me.
This chip on my shoulder I allowed to grow boulder causing greater separation for which there would be no reparations. I wanted my time and my space but it left me stuck in this place and a feeling I can't explain or erase.
Twelve years removed as I write this my animosity I fight this.
Through my young like mind I didn't perceive you or allow myself to receive the father, the husband and man that you were. I thought with the impression but it was just my deception that I needed to ignore, think of you as a bore and all you were wanting was my time something more.
If I could bare your name on my chest maybe I could let this rest, find some peace and come to terms with your decease.
Thank you for mom and all that you gave her the love it saved her, which in turn allowed me to stand and sustain this.
All I wish is that I could be you, somehow see you, take the time and truly grieve you.
Talk for a moment in time to find that childlike sublime truly embraced with unconditional love.
Instead I seek you in my dreams where I keep you this where I get to speak to. This is where I share memories I can bear not having to pretend that I don't care.
Unknowing to me I will someday be standing in the position you once had someone looking up to me possibly rejecting the love that I'm directing… calling me a dad.
It was yet my adult like mind that wasn't kind to the love a parent has for a child. You gave me love with open arms unconditionally but unofficially I rejected what you tried to show me.
Not even sure I let you really get to know me.
This chip on my shoulder I allowed to grow boulder causing greater separation for which there would be no reparations. I wanted my time and my space but it left me stuck in this place and a feeling I can't explain or erase.
Twelve years removed as I write this my animosity I fight this.
Through my young like mind I didn't perceive you or allow myself to receive the father, the husband and man that you were. I thought with the impression but it was just my deception that I needed to ignore, think of you as a bore and all you were wanting was my time something more.
If I could bare your name on my chest maybe I could let this rest, find some peace and come to terms with your decease.
Thank you for mom and all that you gave her the love it saved her, which in turn allowed me to stand and sustain this.
All I wish is that I could be you, somehow see you, take the time and truly grieve you.
Talk for a moment in time to find that childlike sublime truly embraced with unconditional love.
Instead I seek you in my dreams where I keep you this where I get to speak to. This is where I share memories I can bear not having to pretend that I don't care.
Unknowing to me I will someday be standing in the position you once had someone looking up to me possibly rejecting the love that I'm directing… calling me a dad.
Copyright © Scott Compton 2005
2 comments:
Scott, This is a beautiful tribute to your dad. I am sure he would have been very proud of you!!!!
Very powerful...nice job Scott
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